Travel & Emotions

Okay, so an honest post coming. Today, at church, tears poured down my face. As we worshipped, I weaped. The realities of our new family, the complexities of travel, the unknowns of timing, the worries of finances, all hit me. I have complete faith that our journey to J is completely of God, and I have faith that He knows the end from the beginning and will lead us as should be. It is interesting how different it feels when it was just me planning a journey to Kazakhstan for Zahria versus now, so much more at stake. More schedules to consider. More emotions. More transitions. We are told that Chris will need / get to be in Colombia for the first 7-10 days of our trip. In that time, we will get custody of Julieth and bring her back to our apartment to begin attaching as a family. After that time, Chris will come home and either Zahria will stay with me in country, or she will come home with Daddy. Emotions either way! What is best for her? What is best for Julieth? What is best for Mommy & Daddy? Will Z still be in school when we travel? If so, how does that play into our decision? We already know that transitions are so difficult for Zahria, and either way we do it, it will bring a lot of change for her...... We want to best take care of Zahria, and we want to best take care of Julieth. Will I be overwhelmed with two in Colombia on my own? Will Julieth be experiencing extreme seperations, depression, anxiety, sleepless nights, eating issues, etc? Would it be easiest on all of us to have Z stay here in MN? SO many what ifs in these decisions... I am told that I will be in-country for approximately 1-2 months. Makes me want to cry. I will long for Zahria if she is with Daddy, but I am starting to wonder if that isn't what is best for her in the long run. If I am honest, in my worship time, I also realized that I have nerves about Julieth's attachment too. I know that she will attach, but I pray that our family grows, and isn't tested too much, in this time. I know that this will be a huge transition for Zahria, as she is used to getting all of the attention (not completely good, I know, the addition of a sibling, at home, will be, in the long run, be SUCH a blessing for her!!) and I pray that Chris and I find ways to continue to grow as a couple and that we make time for each other .... somehow! :) I am sure that this is all normal for a family that is getting ready to grow, growing pains are normal. I just have never been through them.... Chris on the other hand, has 4 boys, so he helps ground me in my worries. He assures me my worries are normal and valid. He assures me that, yes, this will be tough for Z, but in the long run, this is a total blessing for her. He assures me that we are on the absolutely right path and that our journey to J is, without a doubt, what is God's plan for all of us! So, onward we move, full steam ahead! Not that we were ever turning back, but I did have a slight emotional breakdown today. :)