So thankful to have read and re-read (and brought with me) Toddler Adoption - The Weaver's Craft. It should be required reading for all families adopting a child up to 5 years old, even older perhaps! It is basically my Bible! I have found myself going back to many parts of that book over and over this past week, and I am able to wrap my head, and heart, around what Julieth is most likely experiencing inwardly & outwardly in her behaviors. Makes my heart so sad for her. I have told her many times that I am sorry that she wasn't in my tummy and that she had to be in an orphanage for the first (almost) 3 years of her little life. Thankfully, in all honesty, without holding anything back in the hopes of trying to keep this blog, and the adoption experience, as jolly and blind as possible, the orphanage that she called home since birth, FANA, really did do an amazing job with her! We can tell, in many of her interactions, that she was really well cared for and loved! She kisses and nurtures her dollies, and us! She gives so many genuinely sweet kisses and hugs, yet she isn't overly giving of her love to others. Quite healthy! She is bonding quickly with mommy and Zahria, Daddy is a slower attachment, which is quite normal. In orphanages, most all of the caregivers & nurses & directors, are women, so men tend to freak the kids out for a bit. She is quite interested in Daddy, and often interacts with him on her own terms, but if she is looking for soothing or loves, it is mommy that she is coming to. 2 days ago, while in the shared Living Space at our Hotel, El Refugio, Julieth kept coming to me on the couch, and then with her sweet little fast foot shuffle, she would scurry over to Daddy on the chair, maybe 3 feet away, go to the side of the chair, stick out her cheek, and let him kiss her. Then she would scurry back to me for a hug and off she went again for sweet suttle kisses from her Daddy. It was the best moment to watch. Here are some sweet Julieth moments:
And then, there have been times, only 2 thus far, where we reach total breakdown. Yesterday was the worst so far. We were out shopping in the Leather District and we had an all out arch our back, screaming, hit mommy in the face episode that lasted a good 15 minutes. Mind you we were being watched by a ton of the locals....I am sure it didn't look that good. Luckily, Daddy and I stayed consistent, loving and patient. That was a tough one. Looking back we are quite certain it was due to a very short nap. There has also been a lot for her little world to take in this past week. Leaving all that she has ever known. All of the smells are different. Different routine. Different people and different language. How scary it must all be. It is all a delicate balance. Zahria needs for us to get out and go to a park or indoor play place, and we want to experience Julieth's culture and the city that she was created in and comes from; however, what would be best for Julieth is probably for us to lay very low so she isn't over stimulated. A delicate balance that we are trying to meet as much as we can.
Our daily routine consists of waking up around 6:30, getting ready for the day. Eating breakfast in the common dining area (eggs, toast, french toast, fruit) and then heading out on the town from about 9-12:00 (to a park, shopping for groceries, etc). Lunch is served at 1:00 (tough for our little ones) then comes nap time from 2-4:00ish. We then might go back out in Bogota for a walk and another play time and back home for supper at 7:00 (again tough for the little ones.) We have kept our routine consistent and safe but nonetheless, our littlest is having to take in quite a bit.
In the spirit of attachment, I am wearing Julieth in my Kozy Carrier, which has worked perfectly! I am wearing her in the front (hopefully I will lose a little weight by our trip's end:) so we can look at each other, kiss, and she can nap on my chest as we venture out. Each morning this is what happens, J takes a little snoozer on our adventures. So great for attachment! She loves the carrier!
As for Zahria, she is LOVING having a little sister, she feels so big and responsible! We actually made her a 'big girl box', that she got just before our presentation of Julieth, and she feels very big having that box with her special things! The box even locks which she thinks is just the best!
We have had a couple deep conversations about her feelings in all of this and that our love for her will never change! We acknowledge that we know this is not only amazing and great but tough on her too. She has been my only for 5+ years, so she has never had to share attention or affection. Sharing is tough! Seeing us love on another child is tough for her too. I feel mommy guilt in it, but I also know the great blessing of a sister, so I can have great peace in the gift of Julieth!
So thankful to have read and re-read (and brought with me) Toddler Adoption - The Weaver's Craft. It should be required reading for all families adopting a child up to 5 years old, even older perhaps! It is basically my Bible! I have found myself going back to many parts of that book over and over this past week, and I am able to wrap my head, and heart, around what Julieth is most likely experiencing inwardly & outwardly in her behaviors. Makes my heart so sad for her. I have told her many times that I am sorry that she wasn't in my tummy and that she had to be in an orphanage for the first (almost) 3 years of her little life. Thankfully, in all honesty, without holding anything back in the hopes of trying to keep this blog, and the adoption experience, as jolly and blind as possible, the orphanage that she called home since birth, FANA, really did do an amazing job with her! We can tell, in many of her interactions, that she was really well cared for and loved! She kisses and nurtures her dollies, and us! She gives so many genuinely sweet kisses and hugs, yet she isn't overly giving of her love to others. Quite healthy! She is bonding quickly with mommy and Zahria, Daddy is a slower attachment, which is quite normal. In orphanages, most all of the caregivers & nurses & directors, are women, so men tend to freak the kids out for a bit. She is quite interested in Daddy, and often interacts with him on her own terms, but if she is looking for soothing or loves, it is mommy that she is coming to. 2 days ago, while in the shared Living Space at our Hotel, El Refugio, Julieth kept coming to me on the couch, and then with her sweet little fast foot shuffle, she would scurry over to Daddy on the chair, maybe 3 feet away, go to the side of the chair, stick out her cheek, and let him kiss her. Then she would scurry back to me for a hug and off she went again for sweet suttle kisses from her Daddy. It was the best moment to watch. Here are some sweet Julieth moments:
And then, there have been times, only 2 thus far, where we reach total breakdown. Yesterday was the worst so far. We were out shopping in the Leather District and we had an all out arch our back, screaming, hit mommy in the face episode that lasted a good 15 minutes. Mind you we were being watched by a ton of the locals....I am sure it didn't look that good. Luckily, Daddy and I stayed consistent, loving and patient. That was a tough one. Looking back we are quite certain it was due to a very short nap. There has also been a lot for her little world to take in this past week. Leaving all that she has ever known. All of the smells are different. Different routine. Different people and different language. How scary it must all be. It is all a delicate balance. Zahria needs for us to get out and go to a park or indoor play place, and we want to experience Julieth's culture and the city that she was created in and comes from; however, what would be best for Julieth is probably for us to lay very low so she isn't over stimulated. A delicate balance that we are trying to meet as much as we can.
Our daily routine consists of waking up around 6:30, getting ready for the day. Eating breakfast in the common dining area (eggs, toast, french toast, fruit) and then heading out on the town from about 9-12:00 (to a park, shopping for groceries, etc). Lunch is served at 1:00 (tough for our little ones) then comes nap time from 2-4:00ish. We then might go back out in Bogota for a walk and another play time and back home for supper at 7:00 (again tough for the little ones.) We have kept our routine consistent and safe but nonetheless, our littlest is having to take in quite a bit.
In the spirit of attachment, I am wearing Julieth in my Kozy Carrier, which has worked perfectly! I am wearing her in the front (hopefully I will lose a little weight by our trip's end:) so we can look at each other, kiss, and she can nap on my chest as we venture out. Each morning this is what happens, J takes a little snoozer on our adventures. So great for attachment! She loves the carrier!
As for Zahria, she is LOVING having a little sister, she feels so big and responsible! We actually made her a 'big girl box', that she got just before our presentation of Julieth, and she feels very big having that box with her special things! The box even locks which she thinks is just the best!
We have had a couple deep conversations about her feelings in all of this and that our love for her will never change! We acknowledge that we know this is not only amazing and great but tough on her too. She has been my only for 5+ years, so she has never had to share attention or affection. Sharing is tough! Seeing us love on another child is tough for her too. I feel mommy guilt in it, but I also know the great blessing of a sister, so I can have great peace in the gift of Julieth!
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